How many of us have found ourselves in great relationships with amazing people only to end up screwing it all up out of fear of the past? Yes I’ve been there too!
See, it’s okay to have gone through all the terrible relationship experiences because we needed them to understand what life truly is all about. You’ve been deceived, cheated on, taken for granted and were stringed you along with others by your partners for their own selfish reasons which got you deeply rooted in the wrong side of history; making you incapable of loving wholeheartedly. Been there done that! [Don’t let that define you]
We later come across that one person who takes our breaths away with everything and makes us imagine a perfect future filled with joy and an incredible family. We get to know them, hang with them, make memories and even get intimate with them but just when things seem to be getting somewhere, the little black clock in our brains ticks to remind us of what happened a couple of years or months back and how much pain it brought us; then what do we do? We crawl back into our shells, leave whatever relationship we have with them undefined, block them out and leave them to deal with all the confusion we have created for them.
We may end up thinking that we have them where we want and would still be there for us when we manage to let go of the painful past but guess what? They wouldn’t! What we fail to realize is that we paint a negative picture of ourselves and subconsciously send messages of how indecisive, immature, anxious and unsure we are to our new partners who may have tolerated all of that for a long while and have grown weary of what we constantly bring to the table. We mostly deny our genuine emotions towards these people to ourselves and even our friends hence making them the laughing stock of the day.
Fear creates doubts in our present and traps us as prisoners of our previous partners who may not even give a hoot about us anymore. We deny ourselves of true happiness because we are comfortable with fear and have grown accustomed to playing the “victim” role all the time. We say things like, “you know how bad my exes hurt me with their lies and cheats in the past”, or “I can’t be exclusive because I’m not ready” or “I can’t put labels on anything right now,” among other mediocre excuses. They are not responsible for your hurt so why make them pay? If you weren’t so sure about them, why get intimate with them or even entertain them at all in the first place? Our fear messes us up so bad that we end up getting the innocent ones around us messed up too. We always succeed in breaking and transforming them into unlovable wounded beings who may eventually go out there to continue with the negative cycle of being someone else’s burden because of the illusion we created for them. With our fear, we create thick impenetrable walls around us while we silently crave for the closeness we desire but how do we expect the ones we genuinely love to break through these walls without helping them. We have all done some nasty things in our past we wished we could take back, we’ve probably handled some bullsh*t we regret every day; we’ve entertained some level of deceit and disappointment from before but those aren’t enough reasons to turn others into mean beings with our bitterness.
Notice how your romantic partner suddenly snaps out from everything you have, withdraws and gives you constant excuses as to why he can’t make time to see you or why he is not prepared to take the relationship to another level? Yeah, that’s the little black clock of fear ticking endlessly in their brains. Most people like this, are indecisive and seem to have “one leg in, one leg out” in the relationship which tends to make you unsure of your stand. Take this from me; if you can’t handle the heat, show yourself the exit door to avoid all the inevitable heartaches and bitterness they come with and allow get over themselves in their own time while you move on with your life.
The people who always put up with your daily load of bull will eventually get tired of waiting for you to get your act together; they will pack up and leave you behind regardless of how they feel about you because your fear of letting in something real has made you unattractive and intolerable in every way If you can’t let them love you, then set them free without interfering in their lives or even try to hang around as a friend; if you aren’t ready to give them the love you both need to heal and move on then cut the crap and let them shower that love on someone else.
The primary language of every individual is LOVE so it’s about time we stopped allowing our fears from the past turn us into bitter, guarded and vengeful beings who take pleasure in wasting and delaying the time of others. Let go of your self-consciousness and drop down every unnecessary thing weighing you down.
The fear of letting go of your past is a sign of immaturity and immaturity is UNATTRACTIVE so get your act together and be that lovable person you truly are. No one deserves to pay for what had been; give yourself a chance to love and be loved; not everyone you love is out to hurt you. Life is waaaaaaaay too short to allow fear to set you back!
Take a chance.
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