As a little girl, I always believed that everyone who walked into my life was meant to be my friend and stay forever. It’s close to normal to hold on to people as a child with the intent of being loved and accepted by all.
In relationships, we sometimes notice the toxic feeling some people bring into our lives. It’s not their fault, it’s because we allow them to. You’ll notice how your partner treats you with disrespect and rubs his/her cheating acts in your face. Your presence, time and care is taken for granted because you refuse to show them to the exit. The fear of being alone makes us clingy and hold on to people who are not meant to exceed a certain period of stay in our lives.
growing up, I would grab on to people who weren’t treating me right, thus forcing me to accept that I deserved to be treated less than I was. Due to my hurt, I let the right people go with the fear of reliving the negative moments in my past life.
Fast forward to fifteen years later, I finally accepted, identified and categorized the people in my life into various groups and things became pretty much easy for me in my relationships with people.
1. The Teachers -believe it or not, most people who come our way are meant to bring us a sense of awakening. These people open our eyes to bitter truths and realities of life in the harshest way possible. Notice when you get very comfortable with some people and let them in on everything and then boom! It all explodes in your face? Yeah, the lessons they teach us are meant to deter us from repeating the exact same mistakes in future and last for a lifetime. Some teachers are meant to direct our paths to our purpose; teach us the dos and don’ts in some specific stages of our lives and introduce us to the right people in order not to miss our goals. Once they are done, you’ll notice that communication will begin to fade away hence creating cracks in the bond created.
2. The Users -these are the worst people anyone can ever come across. You will only be useful to these people for as long as they can benefit from your friendship/relationship. We often mistake their presence in our lives for lovers, great friends or even ride or die buddies. Some relationship partners can be described as users; perhaps to while away time before settling down with the ones they truly love /mending a broken relationship with their actual spouse, they rely on you for their sexual and even monetary satisfaction. They can express the sincerity of their love in a minute and jump to the exit when it’s time. There are users among our friends too, they are those who will tag you as a “bestie” for as long they can borrow your clothes and car, spend your money with you and get to meet dignified people through you or hang out at the most exotic places at your expense. They would not be there when the hustle sets in but would be the first to show up and act as body guards when it’s harvest time. Don’t be fooled, stop holding on to them; these are not your ride or die buddies and they aren’t for you. Empty them out and the right selfless ones will come to you and stay.
3. The Testers - we all get to a point in our lives when we vow to change from a certain negative way of life with hopes of adapting to positive ones in order to do better than we did some time back. And there comes this person who suddenly pops us and exposes us to an upgrade of our former lives! Or ever noticed the kind of people who appeared as honest to you that you felt free letting them in on your darkest past secrets and just at the point where you moved on from your past and everything is falling in place for you, especially in your LOVE life or at your job; then toxic information about your past suddenly pops out of the blue? yup... that is the tester at work! they would hurt you something bad, bruise your ego to just test your strength. per their roles, they are meant to shake our lives to the core with their lies, deceit, betrayal, jealousy and backbiting just to test the level of our faith and strength in this journey called life.
4. The lovers - now these are the real deal! This category of people are selfless and honest about the motive or the reason behind their wanting to stay in your life. They are neither indecisive about what they want with you nor about the role they want to play in your life. These are the faithful people (spouse/friends) who will be there for you through the good times and bad. They would always uplift you and would never be ashamed of the scars you wear. These people would see the good in you when the rest of the world sees nothing but evil. They are the ones who would stay with you no matter how rocky your friendship/relationship might be to just work it out with you. To them, you are the best thing that ever happened in their lives and would entrust it all in your hands. They genuinely show you care, love and give you peace when you need it. Oh! And be prepared to be called out on your wrongs because they would not sweep it under the carpet. You might not get to see or talk to them every day but you can trust them to be available to you when you call on them. These people only cross our paths once in a lifetime and when they do, hold them down with all your might.
Once you note down these points, try placing the people in your life into these various boxes and see for yourself. Never allow the fear of being alone make you hold on to the ones who devalue your self-worth. Empty out those who bring in negativity into your life and you will be filled up with the right and positive ones. don't allow messed up people to mess you up.
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